Balance when setting goals

It is a very common phenomenum for a person to set a new goal, such as finding a new job, going to the gym more often, starting a new hobby, or spending more time with a loved one, only to find that it does not last more than the magic 6 week period. 6 weeks is the estimated "drop out" peak!

One of the key reasons for this drop out is that people do not sit down and work out the DOWN side to their new objective! Now this may seem negative, but in fact it is referring to the cost of the new goal.

Think of it like a business decision -  there should always be a cost and benefit analysis. When setting goals we quite rightly focus on the motivational benefit part. However we should not go into denial about the cost! We should not be put off by the cost, but neither should we pretend it does not exist, so that it comes round to bite us in the rear later! An easy example might be deciding to go to a new gym on a regular basis -  excellent -  more fitness, better health.... just forget that sizable new direct debit coming out of the bank! Now normally we do consider the direct debit, because we have become quite used to budgeting.... which is a form of cost benefit analysis. However we do forget other things:

- Do we need to get a few more hours of sleep the night after the gym so we can recover and our bodies get the full benefit of the work-out?

- Do we need to be careful not to skip meals and to take a look at our nutritional intake?

- Do we need to perhaps ease up on the units of alcohol in the run up to the gym session day so we can do ourselves justice?

- If we are taking time out of another activity, do we need to budget additional time elsewhere?

The same principle applies in other areas too.

More time with loved ones = potentially less time doing solo hobbies. Therefore perhaps cut wasted time elsewhere to still enjoy a few hours on the xbox, cycling, going to the pub etc

A higher paid job may mean longer hours or a more tiring day or longer commute to work. So better rest, food and play time may need to be organised.

A new hobby may mean less time with family and friends.... and therefore more careful scheduling.

Whatever the new goal or objective, still be positive, but be aware of the costs as well. By being aware, you can be thinking about what else you may need to do in order to make it work long term.

The same applies to stopping or cutting down perceived negative behaviours. When we stop going to the pub so often however, we loose out on social activities, fun, and other perceived positive experiences that are referred to as "secondary gain". The secondary gains are good feelings, experiences or outcomes we get as a result of doing something rather negative. When we decide to change therefore, we loose some of those secondary gains, and can end up feeling like a child whose parent took away the bag of sweets! And if we feel deprived, punished or otherwise feel like we lost out, there is an incentive to go back to the negative habit again!

Therefore if you are cutting down, cutting out or changing any negative habits, then be aware of why you enjoyed them in the first place. Was there a pleasure aspect, or social, or an enjoyment of personal space, or perhaps a feeling of freedom. List the different things that you enjoy about the habit rather than pretending that it is all bad. If it was all bad you neve would have bothered with it in the first place. Pretending there is no secondary gain is a form of denial! List those gains! Once you have done that work out where you will get a substitute good feeling! Choose new activities or other well loved old ones. Look for the same or very similar gains so as to provide balance and equilibrium.  This will allow positive moving forward without feeling hard done by or punished!